Are you in a Complicated Relationship? These days it seems that it’s common to define a problematic relationship as Complicated rather than Normal relationships undergoing the process. It would seem people readily revert to the adjective complicated when they are experiencing problems in their relationship. And I think that’s because people have different ideas on what a good or normal relationship should be. If there is indeed such a thing!

There are ways to Un-complicate our Relationship and that is a process. Sadly, the Process is unique to each relationship and its not something that one can readily subscribe from a newsletter article or even a self-help book and least of all from a limited Blog as this.

The Best way to deal with your Relationship problems is to talk to a professional. A Psychologist or Marriage Counsellor. Not your neighbor or a well meaning friend! Coaching and Counselling helps clarify your options but you need to step out of the dilemma you are in and be willing to talk and work with a professional.

Here’s a possible concept that you need to work around. All spousal / dating relationships have 3 major components. Love, Sex and Commitment. The mix and it’s various combos is what makes your relationship unique. Its rare to get all 3 perfectly balanced in a relationship and even more rare for it to last over a long period of time. I am talking years. If you understand what these 3 components are and how or what each means to you perhaps you will be able to come to terms, accept and compromise - even accept living on just one or two of the components. That could be the Normal for unique you and no more complication. If however, you count on the basis of your relationships depending on your parents values ( no offence to your Parents) then you either won the Love Lottery or you should be willing to say farewell to the relationship and move on. Either way the relationship is ‘de - complicated’ !(if there is even such a word as ‘uncomplicated’ makes it all sound so back to normal)

Then the other major component in a complicated relationship is the absence or inconsistency of meeting expectations. We tend to have very high expectations on our partners and in our relationship. With all the bombardment from dreamy social media posts and fairy tale endings, we expect too much in our ‘Perfect’ Relationships. Often, we forget Love has got nothing to do with “completing me” and fulfilling a long cherished dream and when we stumble upon Love we now expect the full works. It does not work like that. Sorry.

Lastly its our need for emotional attachment. We are attached to our Love relationship in most cases like an addiction. Relationships are not meant to weather your storms created from a need of drama or attention. Yet its our balm, solace or comfort blanket and truth be told it does serve that purpose, in a limited manner. Soon like all drugs the effect wears out and we need heavier doses. Our minds tell us it is not working out, and its time to end it but our heart disagrees. Psychologists call this cognitive dissonance. Lay folk call it ‘Complicated’.

If you need more information or assistance to make sense on what’s going in your relationship do reach out. Talk to a professional.